Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
