I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
