everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
