i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
