I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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