apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We are two peas in an std pod
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Be still, my beating vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
