i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
