i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
