Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
