i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Randomize
