didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In America we eat man semen.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
