I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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