I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize