When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
