Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he thought i was a dude.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
