Say something about gay babies.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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