she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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