I think I died a long time ago.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
