..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
