you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
