So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize