11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
