i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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