and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
