1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
