I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
