i would punch a child for taco bell
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
