i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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