good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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