DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
