I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize