you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
