I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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