I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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