Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
