I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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