You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
