i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
