I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
