Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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