It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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