hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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