bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
