remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
