You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
