i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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