you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you inspire me to be a worse person
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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