I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
