We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
