i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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