**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
