True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
