My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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