he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
