Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is my gift to your gina
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
