i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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