so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
