made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
