He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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