My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
