i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
