If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
