i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize