I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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