but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize