I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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