i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
