watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize