as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
