This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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