from now on my penis is your penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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