you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
True strength comes from lack of pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
