This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
