Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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