Where is the hickey?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
