Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
smell my finger.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
