that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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