He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize