I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
