not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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