i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
