I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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