You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize