remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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