Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
