Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize