Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
