There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
