so explain again why im purple
no
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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