worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
