It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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