WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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