im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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