If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
