with your own penis?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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