happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
